I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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