would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
