It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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