Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
