I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
we should paint friendship bongs
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