Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her