Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat