Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
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dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.