where am i from again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
