There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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