p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
high people should be assigned attendants
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just high enough for therapy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
