Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
