Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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