If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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