pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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