I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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