so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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