Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
