Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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