More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
