I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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