your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
