I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
