Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
