yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
