I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
