he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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