Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
