Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he fucked my hip out of place.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
