I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
