Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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