girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
