quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
