The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
