Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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