Tell her she can't have a vagina
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
