After last night, I could never be a politician.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
