You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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