at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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