There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
