if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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