You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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