And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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