life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
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damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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