I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
