i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just googled if crying burns calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
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