Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize