I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
