I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
