im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
