What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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