He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
