The maid of honor just puked.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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