Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
