The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
