my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize