Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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