Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
