i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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