Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
