My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
