his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
