i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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