marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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