he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
