even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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