Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
