your parents love me but you hate me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
