i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
