I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My friends, they love my intelligence
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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