Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
