Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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