Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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