someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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