Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
