Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
