He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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