Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
