Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
