yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
