She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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