So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
