is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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