google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
