We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
