I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
