Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
