Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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